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Trophy Squirrels
A new status symbol?

We've all heard of the trophy wives . . . But what is all this talk about trophy squirrels? Who wants them and what does it take to be one? A big bushy tail, a cute wiggly nose, astounding athletic ability and perhaps, a clever wit, claims one spokesperson for the Visiting Squirrel Association of Chicago.
You say to yourself, don't all squirrels posses these fine qualities? Technically no, according to Mildred Owens (not her real name). Mildred is among a growing class of semi-professionals who have money to burn and time on their hands. She has the perfect yard, the perfect husband and the perfect job . . . But who cares? She doesn't have squirrels coming to visit her yard everyday, at least, not the kind that would impress her neighbor, 'Wanda.' Wanda also has a perfect yard, husband, etc but with one exception, she has a perfect specimen of an eastern gray squirrel that not only visits her yard daily but actually entertains Wanda and her company with its comic antics.
People like Mildred, who can't lure trophy squirrels to their yards, are willing to pay big money for a chance to stand out in their neighborhoods. Visiting Squirrel Associations are popping up in every major city, and there are waiting lists for some of the most popular squirrels.
"It's very frightening," said one unidentified squirrel lover. "Some of the best squirrels I know have scraggly tails or nicked ears. The pressure to be perfect or be left behind is bound to leave some emotional scars on them."


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