The powerful Squirrel-X Corp has been looking for a way to
force airlines to reinstate peanuts as the primary in flight snack.
The airlines began supplying pretzels instead of peanuts to its
passengers over 8 months ago as a way to discourage squirrel passengers
from taking advantage of the complementary snacks.
One anonymous spokesperson for the airlines went so far as to give this explanation:
"You have to understand, some squirrels will fly JUST for the peanuts.
And if they are refused extra packets they become rude and even hostile toward the
flight crew and passengers. If you give them extra, all they do is hoard it for later.
We've seen them steal peanuts from small children and the elderly and frankly,
from anyone they think won't fight back."
Squirrel-X representatives refute those allegations by pointing out that airlines have
a subversive policy aimed at eliminating squirrel travel altogether due to a
speciest philosophy held by many American humans." This isn't about peanuts", she said,
"It's about dignity and respect."
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