Though I am not splenitive and rash,
Yet have I something in me dangerous

- Hamlet

Suicide of Squirrel Leads to Speculation

Colorado Springs - Mogey, a fox squirrel who committed suicide
early Friday by chewing into live cable,
did not seem depressed, according to family and friends.
"He was well adjusted and just had a great time
doing what ever he wanted." Said long-time friend, Ralph.

Although the death has been ruled a suicide, a private investigator
has been hired by the family. The investigator found traces of bait,
in the form of pecans and walnuts scattered among the debris at the death scene.

"Perhaps those items were things Mogey intended to take with him into his next life,"
suggested a maintenance worker who found the body. "We know squirrels are pagans
but we don't know much about their belief in the afterlife."

Neighbors living close to the scene say that too much attention has been given to the incident.
"It was just some squirrel that was chewing on the wrong stuff.
Not only did the idiot kill himself but we lost power for 6 hours." Shouted one man.

"Those are the words of a speciest, subcultural dufus," quipped Ralph.
"Who are these people trying to protect?"

Although, family and long-time friends deny that Mogey was suffering from depression,
police have uncovered a secret, double life that Mogey was leading.
He was known, for instance, to spend a lot of time panhandling in a
downtown park with local revelers. An acquaintance from the park,
known only as Lulu, said Mogey often confided in her that he wanted
to be more popular. "He had a thin, scraggly tail and was very insecure about it." She said.
"Squirrels with full, bushy tails DO get the most handouts.
This did not go unnoticed by Mogey or anyone else."

Meanwhile, speculation abounds as the mystery of Mogey's death lingers.

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All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999

Original Photo (c) Gregg Elovich