I do nothing that a man
of unlimited funds,
superb physical endurance,
and maximum scientific
knowledge could not do.

- Batman

Russia Will Arm Dupres' Rebels

WASHINGTON - Russia has notified Secretary of State Madeleine Albright
that it will no longer observe a 1999 pledge not to sell tanks and battlefield weapons
to Stockton Dupres, leader of the Kentucky branch of the Squirrel Enforcement Army,
a U.S. official said Wednesday.

Russia gave as its reason that the pledge it had made to Vice President Al Gore
had brought death threats to Russian leaders from Squirrel Enforcement Army sympathizers
around the world. And in return, the US had not even been able to control the ongoing
squirrel rebellion in Kentucky, where rebel squirrel leader and escaped death row inmate,
Stockton Dupres kills and maims at will.

The Clinton administration is trying to get Russia to change its mind,
warning that if it sold the weapons to Dupres the United States would impose sanctions.

Russia does not seem impressed by the sanctions but wants to avoid the
wrath of the squirrels at all costs. "As will China, in time," added one Russian official.

The Russian action surfaced a day after announcement by China that it would not help
Stockton Dupres develop ballistic missiles. U.S. officials welcomed the pledge and
said it could slow down Dupres' ambitious weapons program.

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