Kentucky Squirrels Seek Reparations
for their unwilling participation in the
Confirmation of American Independence
A lawsuit filed in federal court accuses the Untied States
of conspiracy; squirrel rights violations, and unjust enrichment
from the Kentucky riflemen's role in the use of squirrels
as target practice before and during the war of 1812.
The lawsuit focuses on the Battle of New Orleans,
where approximately one-fourth of Jackson's command
consisted of Kentucky riflemen.
Known during the War of 1812 and the Civil War
for their sharp shooting abilities, the lawsuit alleges
that if it had not been for squirrels, these sharpshooters
would not have been anything exceptional.
"The US benefited from the skill of Kentucky riflemen
and the squirrels they murdered while honing those skills,"
said Fuz LaTeef, the main plaintiff in the lawsuit.
The lawsuit was filed on behalf of millions of Kentucky squirrels.
It seeks payment for the value of "stolen" lives and unjust enrichment.
The plaintiffs are also seeking compensatory and punitive damages.
The lawsuit does not seek a specific amount, but estimates
the current value of the lives lost could be as high as
$8.2 billion in mixed nuts.
Government Attorneys had no immediate comment on the suit.
To be continued . . .
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All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999
Original squirrel photo (c)Gregg Elovich
Most Music on this site from unknown sources