Grey Squirrel's Page of Silliness

The Romans were the winners,
and the implacable destruction
of the losers
was their right and even,
it might be argued,
their duty.

Antonia Fraser - The Warrior Queens

Portable Nut Mines
May Come to Kentucky

Kentucky has had a rough Summer in terms of nut consumption,
with the Squirrel Enforcement Army fighting under
the command of rebel squirrel leader, Stockton Dupres,
thousands of squirrels have migrated to the Bluegrass state
to offer support and sap nut supplies.

Now a partial solution may have been found.
Portable nut mines could make their way to the region
within months to help alleviate the demands for nuts
that have plagued this area.
A proposal by the Global squirrel Network to beef up
nut production was approved last week.
"The GSN and others are looking for creative solutions
to try and meet the need for next summer, when we anticipate
the demand to be even higher than this summer,"
said GSN spokesman Attorney Festus McCool.

The portable mines would be trucked into the region and used
during periods of peak nut consumption when weather
temperatures rise.

Nut mine critics argue that the mines are generally run with abducted labor
and should be banned. But no conclusive proof exists to support their claims.
Last year one man came forward, claiming he had been abducted and forced
to work in a nut mine for 8 months before escaping. But the individual was
unable to locate the mine for authorities and a background check uncovered
mental problems and an association with Anti-Squirrel factions in the area.

Critics also charge that most people are too embarrassed to come forward
and tell others that they were kidnapped by squirrels
and used as slave labor in nut mines.
It would be easier to convince the public that UFOs abducted them.

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All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999

Original photo (c) Gregg Elovich


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