If it weren't for booze, cigarettes,
and stupidity, we'd all have to get real jobs.


-Anonymous



Mentally Ill Squirrel-Hunters
Being Detained in
Kentucky's 'Super-Hospital'

THOUSANDS of squirrel-hunters are being detained in a single,
campus-style, hospital under a reform of mental health laws
in Kentucky, a spokesperson for the
Squirrel Enforcement Army announced yesterday.

The dangerous offenders are housed in 150-bed units
within a secure perimeter fence and serviced from a central administration area.
Supporters say it is a more humane alternative to the
ongoing skirmish between Kentucky squirrel-hunters and the
Kentucky Branch of the Squirrel Enforcement Army.
The hospital ensures the survival of the hunters.
Up til now, squirrel rebel leader, Stockton Dupres would take
no prisoners because he claimed to have no facility to house them.

Dupres supporters raised enough money
earlier this year to build the super-hospital.

Critics charge that the squirrel-hunters are political prisoners,
not necessarily mentally ill and should not be held against their will.

The new reforms will give doctors (who sympathize with the squirrel enforcement army)
powers to lock up known squirrel hunters and to detain people suspected
of belonging to the Anti-Squirrel-Coalition.

The new Reformed Mental Health Act, published yesterday,
will allow individuals with severe personality disorders
(such as an overwhelming urge to murder squirrels)
to be detained indefinitely if experts believe they are dangerous.

Suspected Anti-Squirrel-Coalition sympathizers in the community
will undergo compulsory treatment.
If they refuse, they will be sent to the hospital.




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