Squirrel Enforcement Army To Lay Off 5000

Kentucky -- The Squirrel Enforcement Army announced Friday that it will lay off 5000 employees, or 5 percent of its work force, and trim $7 million in costs in response to the economic downturn. It will be pulling 900 soldiers from the Kentucky region next month, leaving the area unprotected from squirrel hunters. Kentucky squirrel leader, Stockton Dupres struck a deal with the SEA last month, contracting the SEA to keep the peace in the region while he and his rebel soldiers went to Colorado to train with the elite Mountain Division of the SEA at Camp Hale, near Leadville, CO. Now Dupres will have to return to Kentucky or lose the ground so many have fought and died for over the last several years. Sources close to Dupres say that he has become disillusioned with the SEA and thinks it has lost its focus. " When do economic downturns interfere with war?" He was quoted as saying when he heard the news.









Breaking News

MUTINY ON THE SLOPES!







In a developing story, there are reports that
the rebel army of Stockton Dupres has mutinied!

The Global Squirrel Network Press reports that
the Kentucky squirrels have taken a shine to
snowboarding and hanging with those fine
abert Squirrel-Babes near Leadville, Colorado.

"We don't want to return to the war in Kentucky,"

said one unidentified soldier, as he leapt through the air.



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