Britain's Viscount Brookborough showing classic symptoms

Distemper of the Damned

They have many names; evil bastards, Nazis, mysophiliacs, idiots, ignorant and uninformed wiener heads, paranoids, losers, etc, etc, etc. But there is a name for the disorder, MISOSCIURUSY! Miso as in hatred and sciurus as in squirrel.
Squirrel Haters!
And like many chronic illnesses, there is no cure. Some say it can be controlled through prayer and meditation. Some medications suppress the irrational feelings of the overwhelming squirrel-hate festering in the putrid hearts of these individuals. But, once a misoscuirusigist, always a misoscuirusigist.
We will give you the information needed to assist you (or someone you know) in your efforts to control the problem. But first and foremost, the only way to ensure the end to their pain is through abstinence. . . from life. Of course, we are talking about suicide. It may be the only answer for many hardcore misoscuirusigists. We can offer support through the sometimes-difficult decision of ending one's own existence. We even have access to anonymous volunteers who can be there to assist them during their final exit.

For those who are too cowardly to fall upon their own blade, there is the alternative:
(squirrel haters anonymous)


Today's Reminder
My own way of thinking often deceives me. I can see but a little way. When I realize that people are learning to solve their squirrel problems in over 28,000 SHA groups all over the world, wouldn't I be punishing myself needlessly to reject this wonderful way of life?

If you are a Christian misoscuirusigist, you should know that the bible condemns your unclean hatred and offers inspiration for you to embrace.

And there it is as plain as day. A misoscuirusigist must forsake all of their squirrel hating buddies or they are clearly doomed. Let the word be the great abductor, separating them from the obsessive hatred which has consumed their soul.

The following guidelines will help keep a misoscuirusigist from doing further harm until they are in a better state of mind or dead. They should read them carefully and follow them closely.

Do not, under any circumstance, reproduce. Adopt if you must but DO NOT send your diseased seed into the next generation.
Try to get close enough to look a squirrel in the eye. Now hold that gaze for at least a minute. The truth will begin to come through and you will understand what you have been missing in life.
Drop your old squirrel-hating friends. Let them go to Hell all by themselves. Once you realize that they are only using you in order to perpetuate their own sinister plans to annihilate the innocent, this will be easy to do.
Wash your hands each and every time after you use the bathroom so that they will be disease free when you set the squirrel food out on your patio.
Take out a huge life insurance policy on yourself making all pro-squirrel websites the benefactors in the event of your death (Do that right away, do it now).
And lighten up, dammit!

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