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Albanians Collect Mines Hoping to sell them to
The Squirrel Enforcement Army

KUKES, Albania - Albanians living near the border with Kosovo are collecting mines planted by Serb forces last year, hoping to sell them to the Kentucky branch of The Squirrel Enforcement Army of America, local officials said on Tuesday.
Serb forces planted thousands of mines inside Albania to prevent ethnic Albanian guerrillas fighting for independence for Kosovo from entering the province during the conflict which ended in June last year.
Once the snow thawed in the mountain pastures, shepherds started clearing the anti-infantry and anti-tank mines to prevent cattle being blown up.
But word spread that S.E.A. rebel, Stockton Dupres was interested in buying them and many in the northern Kukes area began collecting them.
``The villagers are gathering mines in the pastures and mountains and storing them at home because they think they will sell them to Dupres' rebel army in Kentucky.'' said one local customs officer.
Attorney General, Janet Reno denies the allegations and refers to it as a 'ludicrous rumor.' "There is NO Squirrel enforcement army . . . It doesn't exist except in the minds of some very sick individuals who think squirrels are taking over the world because they can't keep them out of their bird feeders."
Critics charge that Reno is infatuated with the rebel, Dupres and her judgement is tainted.

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All squirrel animation by b.kee(c)1999
Original Photo on this page (before it was sadistically altered) (c) Gregg Elovich
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