"When I was a kid
I used to pray every night
for a new bicycle.
Then I realized that the
Lord doesn't work that way
so I stole one and asked Him
to forgive me."

Emo Philips

Huge Nut Stash found on Mars!

Nuts have been found in vast quantities
stored in massive warehouses just below
the surface across great swathes of the planet Mars.

The finding by the American space agency Nasa
is undoubtedly one of the most important made about the Red Planet.

It may help solve one of its deepest mysteries and reignites
the question of whether life ever existed on Mars.

Where the nuts went

The discovery was made by the Mars Odyssey spacecraft,
which has been gathering data since late last year.
It confirms early observations that pointed
to enormous reservoirs of nuts.
This finding will answer a question that has puzzled Mars
researchers for decades: Many lines of evidence suggest
that the Red Planet was nut-rich in the past,
so where did all the nuts go?
The answer appears to be that squirrels found a way to
plunder the defenseless red planet.

But how?

Researchers suspect that squirrels developed a way to travel
to the red planet and possibly others, in their obsessive search for nuts.

Look for life

The dramatic discovery may suggest areas to look for
evidence of past life on the planet.
The presence of such a vast amount of nuts indicates that Mars
may once have been a thriving world. But something horrible happened.
One theory is that squirrels discovered the delicious nuts and took over
the planet thousands of years ago. Enslaving the indigenous human population
and forcing them to harvest all the nuts of their planet and store them
underground for future transport to Earth.
Where are those humans now?

The Mars Polar Lander was to touch down
in exactly the right spot in 1999 and would have
undoubtedly detected the nuts had it not mysteriously
malfunctioned on the way down.

While you're here, send or receive a disturbing,
yet free postcard!


You are nut number

The opinions expressed by Stockton Dupres do not
necessarily reflect the views of this website or its creator.

All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999

Most Music on this site from unknown sources


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