Lone sentry keeps watch over citizens

A whole skin
is worth a thousand victories

- Magic the Gathering

In Kentucky Town:
It's an Obligation to Feed the Squirrels!

This tiny, unnamed Kentucky town
has enacted an ordinance requiring every
resident to feed local squirrels for reasons of self-defense.

Most of the town's 300 residents already feed the marauding bands of rodents
so the initiative has lots of support, Mayor Stanley said.

Residents had expressed fear that some other residents weren't doing enough
to appease the local squirrel population, some of who might be in league
with rebel squirrel leader, Stockton Dupres and the Squirrel Enforcement Army.

"The town is vulnerable to an attack if we do something to set them off,"
said an unidentified, concerned citizen.

The mentally ill, convicted felons, conscientious objectors and people who
cannot afford to buy delicious nuts are exempt.

Squirrel hunting was banned in the county earlier this year in an effort to
show Dupres and his followers that squirrels have nothing to fear from its citizens.

Critics fear that more towns will follow this trend as the
Kentucky branch of the Squirrel Enforcement Army
continues to terrorize the region.

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All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999

Original Photo (c) Gregg Elovich

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