Grey Squirrel's Page of Silliness

No man sent me here;
it was my own prompting and that of my Maker,
or that of the Devil,
whichever you please to ascribe it to.
I acknowledge no master in human form.

John Brown

Stockton Dupres, alive and well!

FBI Laboratory Leveled by Bomb!

The FBI laboratory assigned to investigate the death of rebel squirrel leader;
Stockton Dupres was destroyed early this morning, according to a White House report.
A tip came in at 2:00 A.M. to warn employees that they had 30 seconds to evacuate the
No one was injured but everything in the laboratory, including crucial evidence
associated with Dupres' case, was destroyed.
It is believed that a small piece of evidence: An autopsied beanie baby named Nuts, was
planted with a bomb set to go off at the appointed time by Stockton Dupres himself.

In July, the FBI reported that they had gunned down Dupres outside a Kentucky tavern
after entrapping him with the aid of a red-haired floozy named Aubrey.
Now, it is believed that Dupres may have seduced their agent into aiding him
and the Squirrel Enforcement Army.
A doppelganger, "Autopsied Nuts," was found in Dupres' coffin
during his funeral and sent to the lab for tests.
The FBI now admits that perhaps in their anxiety over the shootout with Dupres
(who was unarmed) that he may not have been dead when they turned
his furry, bullet-riddled body over to the morgue.
"It seemed redundant," said one official,
"To check his pulse after 54 bullets had torn him apart.
Besides, we didn't have any rubber gloves and no one wanted to touch him.
We lifted him into the body-bag with a stick."

A new warning has gone out to all Kentucky squirrel hunters, asking them
to refrain from hunting until the matter has been resolved.
With the current diversion and everyone beleiving he was dead,
Dupres has had time to set booby-traps throughout his homeland.
Squirrel hunters have been easily lured into his traps by bottles of radioactive whiskey
and contaminated blowup sex-dolls sitting innocently under trees or strewn across
well-traveled squirrel hunting trails.

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All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999

Original photo (c) Gregg Elovich


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