"There is a fine line between genius and insanity.
The line is made out of all the average people
sitting on a fence."


Wanted: Professional squirrels for Tree-Dwelling Duty

Mount Pleasant - More than 8 months after squirrels
abandoned an unidentified man's yard to live in his
neighbor's trees, he wants them back.

A newspaper advertisement seeking professional,
resident squirrels for the Small suburban home,
has received no replies.

The retired grocer, who wishes to remain anonymous,
said that he thought he wanted to get rid of the squirrels
that were robbing his birdfeeders and wrecking his lawn
with buried nuts.
"But now that they are gone, I'm rather lonely." He said.

For more than 30 years, he fought the neighborhood squirrels
with every device ever made, to get them to leave his yard.
But until they were gone, he didn't realize how much he enjoyed
matching wits with the cunning rodents.

"For some unexplained reason, they just packed up
and left one day," he lamented.
" They moved next door and have had nothing
to do with my birdfeeders ever since."

"He must have offended them in some way,"
said next-door neighbor Mattie Greene, "For them to just
pick up and leave like that. He never was that good to them."

The successful applicant will be expected to live in one of two
trees on the property but will have attic, lawn and fireplace privileges.
He is also installing four tree condos for the squirrel's exclusive use.

The squirrels would be paid handsomely
for their time in fresh, mixed nuts daily.

But, as another neighbor candidly put it,
"Why would the squirrels live in his yard for pay,
when they can get anything they want from the rest of us…
with no strings?"

While you're here, send or receive a disturbing,
yet free postcard!


You are nut number

The opinions expressed by Stockton Dupres do not
necessarily reflect the views of this website or its creator.

All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999
Original Squirrel Photo by Gregg Elovich
Most Music on this site from unknown sources


This Website ©Grey Squirrel's Page of Silliness 1998 All Rights Reserved