Dear Boone;
You must keep in mind that an acorn is a living, breathing, and mind reading entity. What most humans fail to realize and what all squirrels know is that acorns are smarter than we are. They are also notorious pranksters. An acorn will take great pleasure in doing exactly what you DON'T want it to do. This explains why, when a human plants an acorn in the hope of growing a stately Oak on His/her property, nothing happens. And when a squirrel buries an acorn, in the hope of retrieving it some day as a snack, it immediately turns into a sapling. It reads our thoughts! I can picture it all covered with dirt, snickering to itself as it plots our frustration.
The only way to grow one is to convince yourself that it is the most delicious item on our Earth's menu and bury it with the most sincere intention of digging it up in the fall to eat. Once it's buried and you are several, safe, city blocks away, you can begin the tedious task of retraining your thoughts so that you WON'T dig it up as a snack. Some of us can't do it.
That's all I have, Punk!
"Grumpy"

Dear Purcy:
If only you had squirrels in your country (big sigh).
A squirrel in your yard would automatically repel any bad spells and send them flying back to the guy who's trying to harm you. It is a simple miracle of nature and scientists aren't sure why it works. The only thing I can suggest at this stage is that you try to confuse the spell by setting out a bowl of delicious nuts. Write in big black letters 'Chippy" on the side of the bowl. This technique is commonly used against burglars to make them think you have a ferocious dog when you don't. It will appear that you are feeding a squirrel and there is a likely chance that the spell won't waste its time on you. Ideally, it will turn its attention to the spell caster and you will be rid of both of them.
Of course, if we're dealing with a 'smart spell', you're toast.
"Grumpy"

Dear Susan:
The most likely cause of your disappearing squirrels is the mating season. At this time, usually twice per year, when squirrels pair up, they think of little else-not even food (personally, I don't get it).They will not resume their normal activities until they have completely exhausted themselves. Then they appear again, a little gaunt, a little dehydrated, sheepishly trying to act like there was never a lapse in time.
The less likely cause of the disappearances is, of course, alien abduction. Oh, it happens; just not as often as some squirrels would have you believe.
Your second question about someone messing with a nest. . . it really depends on the situation. If a squirrel feels threatened by the intrusion, it will move into your attic or some other suitable haven. But if the nest belongs to a mother and her babies, the situation could become life threatening to the young. If the babies are small enough, the mother squirrel can move them. However, there is a window of time when the young are too big for the mother to transport and they are not yet old enough to follow her. Baby squirrels are very vulnerable in a situation like this and the nest should be left alone, even if it has been damaged.
"Grumpy"

Dear Bob
I think you have me confused with one of your psychic friends. I am a mere, mortal squirrel and unable to predict when the dreaded Dr. Evil will strike next. I do, however, suspect that he may strike in a small town named after some boob who thinks he is a cow.
"Grumpy"

Dear Ed,
You're scaring me, Buddy.
"Grumpy"

Dear Zippy:
This is going to sound crazy but I know for a fact that it will work. There will be a little pain and you must tell NO ONE! You will need the following items to pull it off: