An interview with political
GSN: It is a fact that 73 squirrel hunters were captured, tortured and killed during the Kentucky Squirrel Hunting Rebellion, as it is called. Their killers were identified as your followers and confessed openly to the atrocities. Still, you claim innocence. How can you justify your stance?
Stockton: In Colorado they have the 'make my day' law. When an intruder comes into your home, INTENDING to do harm to you or your family, you are perfectly legal in blowing that perpetrator away. That is exactly what happened with the squirrel hunters who came into my home intent on killing me, my friends and my family. Can it be applied in my case? Yes. For the efforts of the
State of Kentucky are designed to isolate us, to exploit us and ultimately, to kill us. All that we can do to demolish such a system is to the good.
GSN: But you do not live in Colorado and there is no such law to protect your actions in Kentucky. Also, you refused to be interviewed by anti-squirrel affiliates called 'Patriots' on the news program "20/20" despite the fact that publicity may have helped your case. Why?
Stockton: I had to ask myself, "What if they are only after my brains? Are you familiar with the atrocious eating habits of some humans? THEY EAT OUR BRAINS! Oh no. I wasn't about to let myself become prey to some macabre dinner party in the 20/20 studio." The answer was an irrevocable, 'no.'
Moreover, I had received, several days prior to the airing, in the process of
civil discovery, a Xerox of the first letter written to the DOC [Dept. of Corrections], from the producers of 20/20. The bias of that letter was palpable as they expressed an overt intention
to do a show that would present the position of the ASC (Anti Squirrel Coalition). How could such a program have helped my case?
GSN: You joined the Squirrel Enforcement Army (SEA) at the age of four months
and held the position of Minister of Propaganda. Some two months later you were an activist and head of the Covert Operations Division (COD)
Now, you are what every young squirrel dreams of becoming. A soldier, a leader . . . top squirrel.
How does it feel to be a role model to so many?
Stockton: I think that there is no question that I was known and hated [by the Patriots] for my
work as much as for my history. For that, I am a prisoner. Though I would not wish my struggles on any other, my life has been full of purpose. I never had time to collect acorns in the fall or mate in the spring. It seems that I have always been a soldier. But it is a life I chose and I would not change it for all the nuts in Washington.
GSN: In a word, what would you say brought you here?
Stockton: I have to admit that if one word for injustice stands out in my memory, it would be "NUTCRACKER."
Do you realize that if nutcrackers were made in the image of squirrels (as they should be) there would be no unemployed squirrel-ballet-dancers during the holiday season? When that infernal 'Nutcracker Ballet' nauseates everyone with the brave soldier- nutcracker saving the day by whooping on all those anti-Christmas, pagan mice!
Oh, now I've fallen out of humor.
GSN: There are rumors that if you are put to death, America will find itself in the midst of a civil war. What do you say to that?
Stockton: It is true: I will be far more dangerous in death than than I could ever be in life.
In life, I am little more than a glorified degenerate. But in death, I will take on the cloak of the martyr, assuredly reaching Christ-like proportions. Disciples will come out of the woodwork and countless books will be written about me. A made for TV program is already in the works. Either way, I win. Either way, squirrels will be elevated in society. Either way, man kind will self destruct!
Go ahead Kentucky . . . Demand my death!
GSN: Where does your struggle go from here?
Stockton: The struggle goes on, as it must for freedom, and I will always be a part of it.
The End