Just Say 'No Way!'
A new terrorist group has sprung up in Kentucky and its only agenda is to stop the production of squirrels in their state.
Female squirrels are being abducted and fitted with chastity belts, before being released back into the wild. At first glance it may seem a harmless pastime but experts claim the long-term goal is far more sinister.
A newly formed secret society, KSPPS (Kentucky Society for the Prevention of Pregnant Squirrels) which sprang up after the squirrel uprising during squirrel hunting season last fall, has taken responsibility for the assaults. The founder and president of KSPPS, name unknown, has admitted that his group is committed to causing the gray squirrel to die out through elimination of squirrel sex.
"While squirrel hunting is still legal in Kentucky, it is far from safe, "he explained. "If you got a squirrel license, you're likely to become one of the disappeared."
He is referring to the rash of squirrel hunter murders since last October by the highly organized Kentucky Squirrel Enforcement Army headed by escaped death row squirrel, Stockton Dupres.
Another unidentified member of KSPPS has said that," Without squirrel hunting, the population will take over the state, we have to do something.
Those harlots (female squirrels) get pregnant twice a year, at least!"
Agents of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms attempted to execute arrest and search warrants against Stockton Dupres at the Kentucky Branch of the Squirrel Enforcement Army compound near Frankfort, KY early this morning. Gunfire erupted immediately and two ATF agents were killed, 53 are wounded. It is undetermined if any SEA rebels were killed or injured.
FBI agents in armored vehicles have deployed to the compound's perimeter.
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