Your worst humiliation
is only someone else's
momentary entertainment.

--Karen Crockett

Scientists Find the Secret
of Bushy-Tail Envy!

A type of dementia that appears to be responsible for bushy-tail envy
has been identified for the first time by US scientists,
holding out the prospect of treatments to subdue
the overwhelming desire some humans have to be squirrels.

The study, reported in The Anti-Squirrel-Coalition's January newsletter,
is the first to identify dementia as the primary cause of this dreaded disease,
for which it has been believed that there is no cure.

The new report solves a mystery that has
long confounded professional mental health workers.
While scientists have been aware for some time
that there must certainly be some kind of distemper
involved in the minds of people who wear prosthetic bushy-tails
and horde nuts for the winter - Until now, there was no proof.

Some psychiatrists fear that the new study may not be enough to
convince bushy-tail enviers that they are sick.
One of the symptoms is a strong belief that it is the rest of the world
who has a problem - And most of the afflicted will never seek treatment.

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