Nothing burns in Hell
except the self.
- Theologia Germanica
Popular Alibi for Wayward Husbands
Rebel squirrel leader, Stockton Dupres has only
been in Colorado for two weeks. And already,
authorities say 53 men (all avid squirrel hunters)
have blamed him for staying out too late at night,
coming home drunk and not coming home at all.
Wayward husbands are finding it easy to tell
their wives that they were captured by the
notorious Dupres when no other alibi is available.
One man said that Dupres and his cohorts tied
him up and played poker in his presence.
Each time a squirrel would win a hand,
it had to pour a shot of whiskey down the
throat of the victim, using a funnel.
Another unidentified squirrel hunter claimed
that the squirrels held him in a tree-house-prison
for 8 days. He said they took his ATM card and forced
him to give them his PIN. It was later discovered,
by his wife, that he had spent the time in Las Vegas
with another woman-losing $10,000 to gambling.
Authorities are not amused when someone calls them
to come out and take bogus complaints from husbands
who have been up to no good.
It is usually at a furious wife's insistence that they
call because they are too afraid to tell
her what they have really been up to.
Stockton Dupres and the Kentucky branch
of the Squirrel Enforcement Army are
currently undergoing mountaineering
training at Camp Hale, near Leadville Colorado.
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All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999
Original Squirrel photo (c)Gregg Elovich