All currency converted to nuts upon entering

After the first glass
you see things as you
wish they were.
After the second, you
see things as they are not.
Finally you see things
as they really are,
and that is the most
horrible thing in the world,

Oscar Wilde

Kentucky Supreme Court OKs
Squirrel-Human Adoptions

For almost 10 years, Frankfort attorneys have
argued that Kentucky lift its ban on
human adoptions by squirrel couples.

In a June 20 ruling, the state's
highest court unanimously agreed.

"This is a resounding victory for squirrel families,"
one unidentified lawyer blurted out.

The Kentucky Supreme Court's decision lifted a ban on
so-called squirrel-human adoptions imposed by an earlier
Superior Court ruling. In that ruling, which followed an
appeal of two lower court rulings denying
squirrel-human adoptions, the court concluded
that because squirrel couples are not monogamous,
the human children they are raising can not be given
a secure home life. In order for the adoptions
to be granted, the court reasoned, the squirrels would
have to relinquish their swinging lifestyles
and settle down with one partner.

Naturally, squirrels were unwilling to do that.

In studies conducted in other states,
where squirrel-human adoptions are legal,
there have been disturbing findings.

Because human children outlive their
original squirrel parents, the children are
'passed down' to new generations of squirrels
until the child is old enough
to get a job (around 16).

Once the young adult is bringing in a paycheck,
the squirrels in that particular generation
live on easy street.

Said one lawmaker, "They (the adoptive squirrels)
make an investment in their children's, grandchildren's,
great and great great grandchildren's futures.
Those squirrels with an employed human relative
will never have to collect their own nuts again
or live in trees."

Those opposed to the lifting of the ban
have expressed outrage, claiming that
it is wrong for squirrels to raise human children
for the express purpose of being slaves
when they grow up.

Human rights groups across the state
echoed those sentiments,
but in the end, the squirrels have their victory.

To be continued...

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Baby picture by Anne Geddes,
used here with gratitude but without permission.
All squirrel animation
and photo alterations by b.kee(c)2003
Most music on this site from unknown origins.


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