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Squirrels using
sophisticated tactics
against hunters

Officer Safe After Nutty Drinking Spree

Kentucky- A Sheriff's Deputy, whose disappearance had alarmed
the residents of this tight knit community, was found
naked in a tree after a three-day drinking binge,
which started during a squirrel-hunting trip.

Fearing the officer could be the latest victim of a
series of attacks on local squirrel hunters by
Stockton Dupres' Rebel Squirrel Army, local
authorities had asked private citizens to assist
in a thorough search of the surrounding forest.

As it turned out, the unidentified victim
had been lured away from his comrades by
unusual sounds coming from the dense forest.

"Once he had been separated from the other hunters,
it was too late for him." Said the Sheriff.
"The squirrels went to work on him immediately,
offering him alcohol and encouraging him to tell jokes, etc."
"These are just the kinds of underhanded tactics they
use against squirrel hunters to brainwash them and make
them think they are popular. The victim is made to feel that
he is in control of the situation until it is too late."

And 'too late' usually means that the squirrel hunter has been
afflicted with the dreaded 'Bushy-Tail Envy'
for which there is no known cure.

After the drinking party, the officer doesn't remember
what happened next. But he was found on Friday after
another squirrel hunter recognized him in the tree
and called the police.

"He's lucky I recognized him at the last minute,"
said the other hunter, "because I thought he was
a squirrel at first and almost shot him."

Police called his wife, who went to the hospital
to collect him. But she has told friends that he
still refuses to wear clothes and climbs on top
of the refrigerator to eat.

To be continued . . .

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All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999
Original squirrel photo (C)Gregg Elovich
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