1st Case of Bushy-Tail Envy Reported!

Kentucky - State health officials today confirmed the first
case of Bushy Tail Envy this year in a 51-year-old hunter
who was afflicted during a Labor Day squirrel-hunting trip
to the southeastern part of the state.

Police refused to identify the victim who became separated
from a companion just hours into the excursion. "We was jest walkin' along talkin', you know,"
said fellow hunter Idy Hayes, "When I realized I was talkin' to myself 'cause
old Tombo had disappeared!"

Two days later the hunter emerged from the squirrel infested forest,
confused and disoriented, wearing only his socks.

The man became ill Sept. 3 when his wife found that a piece
of orange shag carpeting in the shape of a huge squirrel tail had
been cut out of their mobile home floor.

He was treated by his physician and did not require hospitalization,
said a spokeswoman for the state's Department of Public Health and Environment.

But his wife of 13 years believes that he has deteriorated
mentally after finding a stash of 20 lbs of mixed nuts in his underwear drawer.

We thought he had enough personal integrity to overcome this situation but once
a person gets this far into it, there's nothing we can do," said the state's
acting chief medical officer.

He said the first case in Kentucky this year was not a surprise.

Cases of Bushy-Tail Envy, which is contracted through viewing squirrels at close range,
leads to a depraved lifestyle of emulating the rodents and trying to become
one by wearing prosthetic tails and hording nuts.

In Kentucky, 151 people have become afflicted since 1966.

The illness is most dangerous for children, the elderly and people with weak constitutions.

Most people who become infected do not realize they are ill.

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