- Patrick Henry
"The battle, sir,
is not to the strong alone;
it is to the vigilant,
the active, the brave."
Haunted House Aims to Scare
People Away from Squirrels!
Kentucky – Most humans may have outgrown
their fear of ghouls and goblins, but members of the
Anti-Squirrel-Coalition believe their haunted house
has something far scarier: Squirrels.
Hoping to turn squirrel lovers from their favorite pastime
of feeding the rodents, the A.S.C. officials have staged
the "Squirrel Free! Haunted House."
As visitors make their way through a dimly lit,
peanut-shaped maze, they view startling,
full-color photos of squirrels outfitted in fatigue jackets
and armed with acorn bombs.
An empty coffin at the end sends a message that death awaits
anyone who does not stop feeding and backing the squirrel guerillas.
"We want to scare their nuts off," said one unidentified ASC member
who helped set up the props. "We encourage abstinence.
But if they can't do that, for Christ's sake, give them junk-food!"
In the wake of recent squirrel uprisings in the area, the ASC
along with organized squirrel hunters have set upon a heavy
propaganda campaign in order to strengthen their cause
against rebel squirrel leader, Stockton Dupres.
To be continued . . .
If this makes no sense to you
And you want it to,
There is a link to Army of the Dead
inside where you can catch up.
While you're here, send or receive a disturbing,
yet free postcard!
You are nut number
The opinions expressed by Stockton Dupres do not
necessarily reflect the views of this website or its creator.
All squirrel animation and photo alterations by b.kee(c)1999
Original squirrel photo (c)Gregg Elovich
Most Music on this site from unknown sources